Thrive RN

I’m starting to feel like myself again.

Not in a lightning-bolt, everything-is-fixed kind of way. In the quiet way. The way where you catch yourself laughing at something small and realize you haven’t done that in a while. The way where getting out of bed doesn’t feel like negotiating with gravity.

I just finished my second round of TMS, and I wanted to share what that looked like, because when I was researching it, I wished someone had told me the real version.

What TMS actually is

TMS stands for transcranial magnetic stimulation. In plain language: a device sends gentle magnetic pulses to specific areas of your brain while you sit in a chair, awake, for about 20 to 40 minutes. No anesthesia, no sedation. You can drive yourself home after.

It’s FDA-cleared for depression, and it’s one of the options doctors consider when medications haven’t worked or the side effects were too much. That’s the category I fell into.

Left side, right side

Here’s the part I didn’t know before I started. TMS isn’t one single protocol. The left side of the prefrontal cortex is the typical target for depression. My provider also used a right-sided protocol for my anxiety, alongside the left side, in the same treatment course.

I’m not going to pretend I understand all the neuroscience. What I can tell you is how it felt to be a person going through it, twice now, and to come out the other side feeling more like the version of me I remember.

Round 2 and maintenance

This was my second round. The plan going forward is maintenance sessions about once a month, to hold the gains.

If you’re considering TMS, here’s what I wish someone had told me: it’s a commitment. Daily sessions for weeks. It can feel tedious. Some days I sat in that chair wondering if anything was even happening. The changes snuck up on me instead of announcing themselves.

If medications failed you, you’re not out of options

Treatment-resistant depression is a lonely diagnosis. It can feel like you’ve tried everything and your brain just won’t cooperate. But “failed medication” doesn’t mean “failed person,” and it doesn’t mean you’re out of road.

Options that exist beyond daily antidepressants include TMS, esketamine (Spravato), and ECT, among others. I’m not recommending any of them, I’m just saying the list is longer than most of us are told. If your doctor hasn’t mentioned them, it’s worth asking about.

The bottom line

I feel more like myself. Not a new self, not a fixed self. Just me, with a little more light coming through.

If you’re in the thick of it, keep asking questions. Keep advocating for yourself. You’re not out of options, and you’re not alone in the lonely country.

This is my personal experience, not medical advice. If you’re considering TMS or any treatment, talk to your doctor about what’s right for you.