Thrive RN

Underdog

It hurts to hit bottom. I find myself wandering through the fog, gloom cloaked over me, and despair my companion. I have to admit, when something happens that is beyond my scope of dealing with the problem, I can’t cope. Sometimes I turn to friends, but admittedly, an embarrassing amount of times, I keep the pain to myself. No need to burden anyone else and drag them into the murk with me. Besides, solitude is comforting in the dark, sadness painted over like stars in the sky. I’m at the bottom and I’m alone, reveling in self pity. I’m the underdog. It hurts, though. I am ready to rid myself of this burden, this feeling of desperation, clinging to thoughts like, “I’ll never feel better.” Maybe someone in your support system starts to notice the signs of depression and encourages you to step out of the darkness and get help. Being alone becomes lonely. I heave the heavy cloak of gloominess off my shoulder, catch my breath, and crack a smile for the first time in a long time.

Am I still the underdog? Can I gather the strength to push through? At times, it’s not clear. I forget my resilience. I veer back into the murk sometimes so of course, my healing doesn’t have to look linear. If I dive into the darkness., I’ve developed better, healthier ways to cope than when I was so depressed. I might be in last place sometimes, but I consider myself a champion. I’m always ready to step back into the light where hope remains.